Big Drum Thump

Never let a drummer, particularly a crazy-ass Muppet drummer, behind the wheel of an Audi.

[via Gizmodo]

…that made a 47-year-old man break into a church to play the drums. According to the police report, Michael Smith was driving by the Holy Ghost Deliverance Church when he spotted a drum set through its window. And just like a truly devoted skinsman should, he busted right into God’s house, where officers later found him “in a spirited solo.”

…We hope that they at least let dude finish before hauling him off to the clink.

You might not have heard every one of these 23 drummer jokes that Music Radar has compiled, but rest assured your band members have. Here’s a little of what they’ve been saying behind your back:

How do you tell if the stage is level?
The drummer is drooling from both sides of his mouth.

How can you tell a drummer’s at the door?
The knocking speeds up.

What’s the last thing a drummer says in a band?
“Hey, how about we try one of my songs?”

We learned a few months ago that drummers were smarter than most people, and now there’s scientific evidence that drummers (rock drummers anyway) are probably more physically fit too. Blondie basher Clem Burke participated in a study showing that 90 minutes of drumming could raise his heart rate to 190 beats a minute—a level on par with soccer players and other top athletes. Drumming at that rate could burn 400 to 600 calories an hour. One of the doctors involved in the study goes on to say:

Footballers ["soccer players" to us Yanks] can normally expect to play 40 to 50 games a year—but in one 12 month period, Clem played 90-minute sets at 100 concerts….It is clear that their fitness levels need to be outstanding—through monitoring Clem’s performance in controlled conditions, we have been able to map the extraordinary stamina required by professional drummers.

Check out the link for a video report from the BBC.

[thanks to Damon for the tip!]

Mike Portnoy is probably not so much a fan of The Avant Garden.

Wow, New York magazine grew some hairy nads (though not a whole lot of brains) for this piece: a list of bands that should fire their respective drummers. Feel free to fatally mock the writer for the Nicko McBrain swipe. Some shit just ain’t funny, you know?