Big Drum Thump

And it will only set you back $799 (MSRP). Those eight bones get you eight trigger pads, 50 built-in kits and hundreds of cutting-edge drum and percussion sounds, 30 types of multi-effects, and a bunch of external trigger inputs. The SPD-30 also has a Phrase Loop recording feature that allows a player to loop recorded sounds in real time and then overdub additional parts or sounds.

But no one really cares about that stuff. Here’s how cool it looks with a full Roland kit.

Rock Band and Guitar Hero not dumbed down enough for you? Just plug in We Rock: Drum King, a forthcoming Wii game for air drummers.

Aside from (maybe) a rough sense of rhythm, there isn’t one goddamned thing you can learn about guitar from Rock Band. Hitting a plastic bar while mashing plastic keys obviously does exactly shit for your skills. The same can be said for Rock Band bass, and if you’re the “singer” in your Rock Band band, you’re a sad attention whore. But what about drums?

Well, let’s look at this dude. Over a million people have watched him play “Enter Sandman,” and he’s used this fame to say the game teaches some limited fundamentals on drumming. He then goes on to say that everyone has a “musical mind” and that this game releases it. Maybe I’m missing something, but when I think about what separates a musician from a Microsoft employee, it’s more than a passable electronic rendition of “Man in the Box.”

Here is a video of Mitch Mitchell, a revolutionary drummer by anyone’s estimation, demonstrating his impressive drum skills with the Jimi Hendrix Experience. A little over 120,000 people have watched this. Now here’s a video of some choad playing “Chop Suey” by System of a Down on Rock Band drums. Nearly 400,000 views. Of some random dude. Playing “Chop Suey.” On Rock Band drums.

Now I know in the world of YouTube, even more so than in other places, people love to watch total garbage. And I know that a lot of kids these days are much more into seeing Travis Barker play a Soulja Boy song than looking up Terry Bozzio, but this doesn’t make me any more optimistic about the attitude cultivated by Rock Band when it comes to musicianship.

Am I jealous that this didn’t exist when I was a teenager? Fuck no. If it did, I probably would’ve been happy enough to play fake drums over some Green Day song instead of actually learning an instrument and creating my own music. You know, the cool thing musicians do. And it’s not like you can play any song you want on Rock Band. I know they keep expanding the game to include even more Nickelback tunes, but an entire swath of amazing musicianship is being ignored so Gene Simmons can go cash another check.

The main problem, though, is that the visceral enjoyment most drummers get out of their instrument is completely neutered. Some of these YouTube stars talk about how they also play real drums and gaming is just as fun. These people are either bad drummers or their parents won’t allow them to keep living for free in the basement unless they stop being loud.

I’m not saying that the game is easy. I watched this, and it didn’t seem easy. But there’s a lot of shit that’s hard to do that doesn’t make you a better musician, and being a good musician is still harder than anything you do on this dumb game.

Now of course I’m willing to accept that I’m blowing this out of proportion and that there are still plenty of kids out there (my two-year old nephew included) who are picking up real live drums instead of this nerdy, shameful alternative. But when people start feeling as though they’re almost as good as Lars Ulrich because they can play “Master of Puppets” on the “Grand Master With Extra Jerkoff Stars” level, it’s like the fat kid who thinks a high score on Dance Dance Revolution makes him Baryshnikov.

Please rate your opinion on Rock Band drumming:

1. I would rather shit blood bi-weekly than play Rock Band.
2. I would rather shit blood bi-monthly than play Rock Band.
3. At least I’m somewhat competent at it unlike the game with that little queer plumber.
4. I think Rock Band has great potential to turn people into real drummers…just like Duckhunt turned people into excellent hunters.
5. You’re just jealous of my pointless talent in a game for children.

Another oblique assault on Dom Famularo comes by way of the FielDrum, an acoustic drum that includes a series of magnets that directs a drummer’s stick into performing a correct pattern. Essentially you just have to hold the damn drumstick and the magnets do the rest.

…Maybe that’s how Jojo Mayer can do this.

Yep, we still got a big old crush on Alesis’s new Surge cymbals. We reported that they were shipping in September, but now we know exactly how much cash they’ll set you back. Check out the press release below.

[Press Release]

Cumberland, R.I. (Dec. 10, 2008) – Alesis, the world’s leading manufacturer of professional audio equipment and studio electronics, announces that its series of SURGE Cymbals is now shipping.

Crafted from lathed brass cymbal alloy and acoustically dampened with a clear vinyl layer, SURGE Cymbals features integrated piezo triggers in rugged ABS housings. The cymbals deliver acoustic-cymbal look, feel, and response with the added benefit of electronic-sound module flexibility: SURGE Cymbals’ sound.

SURGE Cymbals are available in two complete sets and five individual models, enabling drummers to customize their setup to their taste. SURGE Cymbal Pack contains a SURGE 12” Hi-Hat Cymbal, a SURGE 13” Crash Cymbal, a 16” Dual-Zone Ride Cymbal, and connection cables. SURGE Cymbal Pack with choke contains a SURGE 12” Hi-Hat Cymbal, a SURGE 13” Crash Cymbal with choke capability; a 16” Dual-Zone Ride Cymbal with choke capability, and connection cables. Models designated ‘with choke’ feature a large strip on their underside, which, when squeezed by a drummer, sends a message to the connected sound module to stop the associated sound that is playing. SURGE 12” Hi-Hat Cymbal, SURGE 13″ Crash Cymbals with and without choke, and SURGE 16” Dual-Zone Ride Cymbals with and without choke are each available separately, included necessary connection cables.

SURGE Cymbals are included with Alesis high-end electronic drumsets including the DM5 Pro Kit with SURGE Cymbals and the USB Pro Drum Kit. SURGE Cymbals are compatible with most major manufacturers’ drum-sound modules and nearly any cymbal stand or mounting system for use with electronic and acoustic drumsets.

“SURGE Cymbals are the perfect way to upgrade or add onto your drum kit,” noted Adam Cohen, Director of Business Development, Alesis. “There is simply nothing like SURGE available from any other electronic-drum manufacturer.”

SURGE Cymbals are now shipping to musical instrument and pro audio retailers and are available at the following MSRPs: Surge 12” Hi-Hat Cymbal, $199.00; Surge 13” Crash Cymbal, $249.00; Surge 13” Crash Cymbal with Choke, $299.00; Surge 16” Dual- Zone Ride Cymbal, $349.00; Surge 16” Dual- Zone Ride Cymbal with Choke, $399.00; Surge Cymbal Pack, $579.00.

(Google Search fucks me again)

Will drums and technology ever really get along? While amp heads and effect pedals are a necessity for almost all guitar players, the nature of drums produces a whole slew of purists that can’t stand the idea of a bunch of geeky gear controlling their sound. Though 808s and V-Drums have their niches (hip-hop and stay-at-home dads, respectively), kick drum triggers are very contentious, especially in metal where double bass is commonplace. It’s rare to find a metal dude who doesn’t have a fairly strong opinion on triggers; they’re either “totally brutal” or “cocksucking garbage.” So let’s check out the two contrasting opinions.

Triggers Rule: If you want to keep up with the speed of modern metal guitarists, triggers are a necessity. There is no way, especially live, you can keep a consistent drum sound with the tempos of many grind and death metal bands. You’re already probably getting drowned out by your band members and their asshole amounts of gear. You’re up there to play, and the kick drum drives so many songs that if you can’t be heard then the song suffers. Think of the song. With the Red Shot Kick Drum Trigger from ddrum, you barely need to carry any gear and you don’t have to worry about pads muffling the tone. Even the fastest feet on Earth, Tim Waterson, uses triggers and he’s, well, the fastest fucking feet on Earth. Triggers rule, they aren’t going away, and you need to get on the right side of history.

Triggers Drool: Why in the fucking world do you want your kick drum to sound like a giant typewriter? So you can play faster? I got an idea: practice. Talk to someone like Dave Witte who does single foot blasts with no triggers and ask him if he can play fast enough for your shitty “shredding” metal circus. And where is the feeling? You may as well just play a tape of you drumming while you sit there and toss sticks in the air. If you need to be heard, tell your band to turn down or get the sound guy to turn you up. Or use your trigger money to buy a bigger kick. Anything so I don’t have to hear that sound. And even if you like the soulless tapping of triggers, I can’t imagine anything less metal than having a little glowing sound module right next to you. That should be reserved for your beer, pussy.

So who’s right? Feel free to use this rating system and let us know:

1. Triggers suck all of the shit.
2. Triggers suck shit, but I could envision a world where they could possibly only suck.
3. Triggers kind of suck, but they’re getting better.
4. There are some perfectly good reasons to use triggers, which I would like to tell you about.
5. You can have my triggers when you pry them from my cold, devil horn-shaped fingers.