Will drums and technology ever really get along? While amp heads and effect pedals are a necessity for almost all guitar players, the nature of drums produces a whole slew of purists that can’t stand the idea of a bunch of geeky gear controlling their sound. Though 808s and V-Drums have their niches (hip-hop and stay-at-home dads, respectively), kick drum triggers are very contentious, especially in metal where double bass is commonplace. It’s rare to find a metal dude who doesn’t have a fairly strong opinion on triggers; they’re either “totally brutal” or “cocksucking garbage.” So let’s check out the two contrasting opinions.

Triggers Rule: If you want to keep up with the speed of modern metal guitarists, triggers are a necessity. There is no way, especially live, you can keep a consistent drum sound with the tempos of many grind and death metal bands. You’re already probably getting drowned out by your band members and their asshole amounts of gear. You’re up there to play, and the kick drum drives so many songs that if you can’t be heard then the song suffers. Think of the song. With the Red Shot Kick Drum Trigger from ddrum, you barely need to carry any gear and you don’t have to worry about pads muffling the tone. Even the fastest feet on Earth, Tim Waterson, uses triggers and he’s, well, the fastest fucking feet on Earth. Triggers rule, they aren’t going away, and you need to get on the right side of history.

Triggers Drool: Why in the fucking world do you want your kick drum to sound like a giant typewriter? So you can play faster? I got an idea: practice. Talk to someone like Dave Witte who does single foot blasts with no triggers and ask him if he can play fast enough for your shitty “shredding” metal circus. And where is the feeling? You may as well just play a tape of you drumming while you sit there and toss sticks in the air. If you need to be heard, tell your band to turn down or get the sound guy to turn you up. Or use your trigger money to buy a bigger kick. Anything so I don’t have to hear that sound. And even if you like the soulless tapping of triggers, I can’t imagine anything less metal than having a little glowing sound module right next to you. That should be reserved for your beer, pussy.

So who’s right? Feel free to use this rating system and let us know:

1. Triggers suck all of the shit.
2. Triggers suck shit, but I could envision a world where they could possibly only suck.
3. Triggers kind of suck, but they’re getting better.
4. There are some perfectly good reasons to use triggers, which I would like to tell you about.
5. You can have my triggers when you pry them from my cold, devil horn-shaped fingers.