“I could stand out front and sing Eagles songs that I sing in my set, but I think people enjoy watching me sing and play the drums. It seems to fascinate people.”
—Don Henley, liar

Listen, I don’t care if you have the voice of the fucking Angel Gabriel himself. If you are a drummer, you should not sing. Ever. Seriously, not ever. Ok, maybe (maybe) if you really need to do backups because your bass player is too busy slapping/popping during the chorus I guess there are worse things in the world….Those things are: The Holocaust, 9/11, Darfur, and a drummer who is also the lead singer.

First of all, what is even remotely cool about sitting down while singing? Obviously absolutely fucking nothing. Second, let’s keep a drummer’s job in perspective. Regardless of your finesse, you are the caveman of the band. You hit things with pieces of wood. That is awesome; that means by default you are also the badass. But when you’re worried about correct enunciation during the bridge, you’re just the fucking nerd who takes forever to set up his complicated instrument.

It’s not like Phil Collins is really ever cool unless he’s a puppet, but even he knew enough to let Bill Bruford take over live drums in Genesis (…though Phil later decided to use drumsticks as a mic in “Invisible Touch” and it was real sad).

I know there are some exceptions such as Low, Lightning Bolt, and The Beatles, but these bands are or were known for high levels of experimentation…which your Thin Lizzy cover band is not, even if you do a sweet rototom solo during “Jailbreak.”

I was going to go on this giant rant about drummers using headsets, but instead I’m just going to link to this kid getting caught jerking off to World of Warcraft to illustrate my point.

And finally, if you’re one of those drummers who doesn’t need a mic but has a song in mind that you wouldn’t mind performing maybe during the mellow part of the set, get over there in line with the tiny kitty man who used to have a job.

Give us your opinion on drummers that sing:

1. I would rather see all of my loved ones sold into slavery than see a drummer sing.
2. Drummers can be allowed to sing, but should be fined heavily. With groin kicks.
3. I only hate drummers who sing because my stepdad was in Night Ranger.
4. I think drummers singing is a bad idea unless it’s this super annoying video of me playing Rock Band.
5. I have zero shame and expect the same from all drummers.