Verbally bitch slaps, that is.

It seems that all is not well in the Land of Old Rocker Dudes. During a June 6 press conference at the Sweden Rock Festival, Def Lep vocalist Joe Elliott made a kinda snippy comment about ’80s glam bands:

…[W]e were never driven to do the mascara thing or whatever these bands did. They didn’t have any substance musically, I don’t think, in comparison to us, so we didn’t feel we needed to do it. Bands that do that are doing it to cover up the fact that there is no substance in their music. The only band—and I’m not saying it because we’re here—the only band that did pull it off was [Finland’s] Hanoi Rocks. I thought Hanoi Rocks were a good band, and they looked….Michael Monroe [Hanoi’s vocalist] was one of the best….I would have shagged him. [Laughs] I like Michael, I think he’s sexy, and I’m not gay. And I think Andy McCoy [Hanoi’s guitarist] does the best kind of Keith Richards…so much better than Motley Crue or Poison or any of those bands. They [Hanoi Rocks] were real: the rest of the guys, it was all a bit fake for me.”

Poison frontman Bret Michaels politely responded the next day by essentially saying, “Look who the fuck is talking,” and Rikki Rockett, fresh from his exoneration megafete, added this on his MySpace page yesterday:

I know, it’s kinda old news at this point, but I must say a few words about Joe Elliot (Def Leppard) talkin’ some smack about Poison and Motley. Mainly because he is continuing to talk smack in other interviews as well.
Now, I’m sure Motley can defend themselves, so I’ll leave that alone and Bret did cover it rather well. However, I was talkin’ with some friends last night and we were shaking our heads wondering when Joe became a rock historian. Well, Joe, when did ya? Do you think saying bad things about another band makes people like your band more? Oh, no. Can’t be it. Let me guess, “You were JUST being honest.” Look, I have always enjoyed Def Leppard. But, as of late that pre-programmed, Mutt Lang live record you guys are doing out there on tour is anything but “substance”. JUST being honest.

Joe! I’d be hurt if this were coming from John Lennon. Listen up, you are not quite that important there fella! Ya know, just like you I put my pants on one leg at a time, but when I put mine on Joe, they are cooler than yours! But, does it really matter? So it takes about 1 minute and 45 seconds to put on eyeliner. I suppose during that same time you were writing the next “Imagine”. In the words of the great Aerosmith, “Get a grip!” Oh, and by the way, just to add to your royal information pool of rock history, Sir Joe, in the 70’s it was “Glitter Rock”, in the 80’s it was Glam Rock.

We shall await Joe’s retort, which will probably at least sound clever because he’s got that awesome English accent.

And the dude totally deserves it, what with all the false rape charges, attempted blackmailings, and media fuckups he’s had to endure lately.
The fete will take place this Saturday (June 28, 2008) from 4 p.m. to 10 p.m. in Valencia, California. It’s free to anyone who wants to show up, but you can make an $11 donation (which in turn will be donated to charity) that will get you BBQ and a raffle ticket for “some awesome prizes.” Naturally, there will be music aplenty, and for any of you still rockin’ Peter Fonda sideburns, there will also be an organized ride that starts at 10:15 a.m.

[via, of course, TMZ]

Happy news indeed. The Neshoba County DA has dropped the recent rape charge against drummer Rikki Rockett because, well, Rikki wasn’t the guy they were looking for. Turns out that a tool named John Minskoff, a convicted felon, used Rockett’s name to convince the alleged rape victim to sleep with him. It also turns out that the woman was planning to extort cash from Rockett by filing the rape charge.

Sound like a bad Jim Thompson novel? Rockett’s very real indignation makes up for the incredible plot twists:

I think it was a case where the woman and her husband unfortunately believed they could extort money from me and my band….This is a gross example of people attempting to abuse the law for personal profit. They tried to subvert and make a mockery of the criminal justice system. It is abhorrent and disgraceful….I remain surprised that no member of the educated and savvy press ever googled the name ‘John Minskoff’! Had they done so, they would have found out that in 1996, John Minskoff claimed to have been involved with the rock band, White Snake, when he lured and kidnapped a 15-year-old girl in Reno, Nevada. Minskoff is a violent career criminal and felon and convicted perjurer with multiple convictions who has admitted to impersonating “rock stars” to sexually pursue women.

Poison drummer Rikki Rockett was arrested Monday at LAX on a “strong-arm rape warrant” issued from Mississippi (oh, how we hope it didn’t involve a pig). Details are completely nonexistent at the moment, but it appears Rockett was released and is a free man as of today.

[Update: The rape allegedly occurred on September 23, 2007, at a casino in Mississippi. No pigs were involved.]

[Update: Rockett was released Tuesday morning after his arrest. The alleged rape occurred at the Silver Star Casino. According to the complaint filed, “The subject, Rikki Rockett, forcibly had sex with an adult in one of the hotel rooms.” Prosecutors in Mississippi are still deciding whether to extradite the drummer.]

[Update 5/10/08: Ah, it was only a matter of time. The celeb-hunting journos at TMZ finally got a comment from Rikki Rockett about the alleged rape: “We’re doing a press conference next week—this whole thing will be over. And it’ll be the end of it.” Rockett goes on to say that he doesn’t even know his accuser. See the 49-second video here.]